Thursday, 5 February 2009

Open Letter to Jessica Alba

Dear Jess,

Congratulations on the baby and the hotness. Although, dear, you are making us look bad. And I don't mean by the hotness. So you wore a girdle and the pregnancy weight velcroed right off with it. Good for you! I mean it.  I wore a girdle and the only thing I got were creases on my skin from where the poor stretchy band was tightening for dear life. 

I do take offense on your comment on contractions, though. They feel like bad cramps!? Next time around I want your drugs. You must have had an epidural for the whole last trimester at least. And keep it coming. 

Contractions are not cramps, just like orgasms are not a quirky giggle. Perspective, my friend. 

The Elle shoot was beautiful, your girl is adorable and I'm no hater. Just, seriously, don't be going around creating myths. Or we will all be paying for it quietly with our stretch marks and distorted female geography. 



1 comment:

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